I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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