I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
