well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
