I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize