You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
