I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My life is pants optional.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
