Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
how drunk are you?
Several
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
