You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
