You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I use my feet as sexual weapons
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
