There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
