the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
