For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up under a house in Key West
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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