My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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