wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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