just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize