nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
