i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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