I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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