I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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