No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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