At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
