just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You may now shotgun with the bride
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
