I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
