No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
