I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
