i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
