Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
