No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize