I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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