I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
