he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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