Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
