I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
