Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
