dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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