if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
