I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
