I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
