Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
