i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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