a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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