i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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