Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
