That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
