yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
