I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
