U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
