Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
