2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize