I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
