btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
