When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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