So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
