Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
