so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
