this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
