I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
