I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
