Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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