Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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