She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
