I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize