I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
