I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
