Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
