I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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